


I hate that I love you

by lightweeds



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: ??? - Freeform, And a bartender, I only write such short things I'm very sorry, I'm not sure what this is, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, No happy ending I'm sorry, Phil is sad too, Phil is so in love, Sad, Smoking, Swearing, dan is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2016-06-13
Packaged: 2018-07-14 20:05:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7188179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightweeds/pseuds/lightweeds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Never mind, Phil. I don't even care."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I hate that I love you

"Dan."

Dan doesn't even lift his head. 

"Dan." Phil says, a little louder than before.

Dan still doesn't respond. The lit cigarette dangling from his lips. Phil often has an urge to take pictures of him, and make a shitty aesthetic Tumblr blog to post them on. But Dan would never allow it.

Phil sighs. "Never mind, then."

Dan lifts his head. "What were you going to say then? That smoking is bad for me? Because trust me, I know."

"I wasn't g-"

Dan cuts him off. He throws the cigarette on the floor and puts it out with his shoe. "Never mind, Phil. I don't even care."

Phil sighs again and picks the cigarette up to put it in an ashtray. It was sad how much everything had changed since the last time they were here. It was a while ago, and they had met here for the very first time. Dan was a smiley boy with sad eyes who ordered some fruity drinks for his friends, but nothing for himself. It was a typical story though, boy goes to bar, meets bartender and flirts a lot. After that night Dan hadn't came to the bar in two months. But when he did, he was alone, the smile was non-existent, but the sad eyes were still there. He had sat there for 4 hours, ordering a lot of booze. He ended up being so drunk, he needed to be brought home, but when Phil asked him if he could call anyone for him to pick him up, Dan shook his head and banged his head on the table, mumbling something about ruining everything.

Phil ended up bringing him home. The day after, Dan was back at the bar, thanking Phil for it. They kept talking and that's how it all started. They started hooking up a lot and Phil, silly old Phil, fell in love. He told Dan, and that was the last time they had an actual good time together. After that, they had shared some angry kisses in the dark, fucking with Phil's brain and breaking his heart a little more every time.

4 months ago, Phil had tried to cut it all off. He had called Dan and told him he couldn't do it anymore. Dan had cried and apologized, and Phil had given in once again. How could he not? Dan had promised to do it all better.

He actually did for two weeks. For 14 days, Phil felt happy. He was content with Dan. But Dan was scared, not of Phil, definitely not, but of himself. So he ran away again. And Phil finally understood why Dan was scared. So he just let him run away and didn't chase him anymore. And Dan had stayed away for a very long time. 

But he's back now. With a permanent frown on his face and a lit cigarette constantly in his pale hands. And Phil doesn't have the heart to tell him he can't smoke inside. He doesn't even have the heart to tell him that it hurts to have him around, that he should leave. Not when Dan is finally back.

A small voice snaps him out of his thoughts. "Are you not going to tell me I can't smoke in here?" 

Phil looks at him. Dan is still looking at his shoes, and still taking drags. He shakes his head. "No."

"Why not?"

Phil hasn't got an answer. Well, he doesn't have an answer that wouldn't chase Dan away immediately again. He shrugs.

"Are you still in love with me?"

That's definitely not a question he had expected. He hesitates, not sure if he should lie or tell the truth. "Yes." he decides to tell the truth.

Dan nods. "I want to, you know. I want you to be happy and I am in love with you too."

Phil hears these words for the first time, but he isn't happy to hear them. Because he can feel a 'but' coming.

"But," there it is "I can't be with you. I shouldn't be in love with a boy."

Phil is the one to look at his shoes now. "I understand."

Dan gets up, and cups Phil's jaw. "I'll stay out of your life now." He gives Phil a short kiss on his cheek and walks out of the bar. Phil looks at him walking away, resisting a strong urge to follow him.

"Goodbye, Dan." He whispers.


End file.
